I was thinking today about how confusing life must be for toddlers. As a parent, I spend half my time encouraging my son to play with stuff and throw stuff and eat stuff, and the other half trying to get him to not play with stuff or throw stuff or eat stuff. How much can an 18 month old really understand about that? This cookie is delicious, but no to the unidentifiable thing I found on the carpet? Yes, let's play catch with this ball, but no, I can't chuck around rocks from the driveway? Yes to this fun blinky toy but no to Mom's much more fun blinky iPhone?
I concluded at times he must just think I'm a colossal asshole. But he's getting to the point where he can communicate, and that has been pretty fun. I always try not to rush development, ever since I kept saying "When is he going to crawl?" and then he did and I've spent the time since then chasing him and remembering fondly when he was immobile.
But the language thing is good, because he can finally tell me what he wants. Generally it's a snack. Sometimes it's Dad. Sometimes it's a long string of things that I can't really understand. But he's sitting there playing with his toys and having a conversation that he certainly understands, and I am kind of anxious to find out what it's all about.
He also busted out his first curse word, which I was less proud of, though he used it appropriately. He turned too quickly and tripped over the dog, and said "DAMMIT" in a tone identical to his father. (Seriously the delivery was identical, he can't even try to blame me). I glared at Ben, who made a credible attempt to blend into the couch like a chameleon. Such a proud moment.
I'm also about to be an aunt again, which is really exciting, and from hearing my brother talk, one more little one won't be too far away. My mom and I had to laugh when he said they were going to "start trying" in the spring. In my family, there really isn't any "try". For the most part, that's one medical problem we don't run into. We have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, migraines, and premature gray hair on our genetically unavoidable giant domes, but fertility is not an issue. Pretty much as soon as you say "we're going to try" and then get within two feet of your partner's genitals, congratulations, in forty weeks you're going to be a parent. My ladyparts are completely scarred and broken and it still only took us one try, my dad is one of nine and I'm sure that number would have been higher, but my grandfather died.
So it looks to be an exciting new year. I will continue with the resolutions I've already started-healthier living to try to avoid the above-mentioned genetic problems so I can be around to laugh when Henry's kids say dammit for the first time. Happy New Year to all-I hope this is a great one.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Secrets to a Happy Marriage
WARNING-this post also contains stuff about sex, so don't read it if you're under 18 or related to me END WARNING.
I've figured it out. After five and a half years, some of them difficult, some of them great, I have worked out what makes life easier and marital relations run smoothly, 99% of the time.
And it's having lots of sex.
That seems to be the first thing to go when you get too busy and you're working and/or have kids or just have a lot of stress in your life. In my brief surveys on the topic, I find that women are more likely to hold back than men are. This may be because women need to feel some emotional connection, and that needs to be a good emotion. Men don't seem to have that need as much. You could probably cut off your partner's toe, admit that you did it on purpose, then say "So, you want to go at it?" and he'd say "Sure, let me cauterize this thing and get my pants off."
I guess I can give credit to (or blame) these Dan Savage podcasts for my change in thinking. He made me realize how important that connection with your partner is. I mean, if you're not having sex you might as well just be roommates. And lack of it makes people crabby. Unless you're in one of those crazy swinging non-monogamous relationships (and good luck with that if you are, but hell if I'M shaving my legs for more than one guy) then it's something you share exclusively with your partner, and you need to remember how special it is.
So even if you don't really feel like it, get in there. I've found that it doesn't take long to change your mind, even if your thought right now is "He hasn't done dishes or bathed the kids in three weeks, he can go fuck himself, and so can you, for giving me this advice."
But here's the secret-a guy getting a lot of sex will do ANYTHING to keep getting a lot of sex. So if your sex life has been kind of slow, and it picks back up in a major way, you will both be in a better mood, and he will start doing the dishes. He will start doing anything you want just to keep that door open. The secret has been in our pants this whole time!
And I won't get too graphic here but ever since I embarked on this plan, I have a happier husband, a happier me, I've had dishes done, and the other day when I was heading downstairs with a basket full of laundry, he said "Allow me, my lady" and took it down and started it for me. You get to enjoy yourself, AND chores get done! (If you don't enjoy sex with your partner, I'm not really qualified to advise you on that. Come to think of it, I'm not really qualified to advise you on anything.)
So give it a shot and see if it doesn't work. And guys, if your wife/girlfriend reads this and you reap the benefits, I DO have an amazon wishlist if you want to thank me.
I've figured it out. After five and a half years, some of them difficult, some of them great, I have worked out what makes life easier and marital relations run smoothly, 99% of the time.
And it's having lots of sex.
That seems to be the first thing to go when you get too busy and you're working and/or have kids or just have a lot of stress in your life. In my brief surveys on the topic, I find that women are more likely to hold back than men are. This may be because women need to feel some emotional connection, and that needs to be a good emotion. Men don't seem to have that need as much. You could probably cut off your partner's toe, admit that you did it on purpose, then say "So, you want to go at it?" and he'd say "Sure, let me cauterize this thing and get my pants off."
I guess I can give credit to (or blame) these Dan Savage podcasts for my change in thinking. He made me realize how important that connection with your partner is. I mean, if you're not having sex you might as well just be roommates. And lack of it makes people crabby. Unless you're in one of those crazy swinging non-monogamous relationships (and good luck with that if you are, but hell if I'M shaving my legs for more than one guy) then it's something you share exclusively with your partner, and you need to remember how special it is.
So even if you don't really feel like it, get in there. I've found that it doesn't take long to change your mind, even if your thought right now is "He hasn't done dishes or bathed the kids in three weeks, he can go fuck himself, and so can you, for giving me this advice."
But here's the secret-a guy getting a lot of sex will do ANYTHING to keep getting a lot of sex. So if your sex life has been kind of slow, and it picks back up in a major way, you will both be in a better mood, and he will start doing the dishes. He will start doing anything you want just to keep that door open. The secret has been in our pants this whole time!
And I won't get too graphic here but ever since I embarked on this plan, I have a happier husband, a happier me, I've had dishes done, and the other day when I was heading downstairs with a basket full of laundry, he said "Allow me, my lady" and took it down and started it for me. You get to enjoy yourself, AND chores get done! (If you don't enjoy sex with your partner, I'm not really qualified to advise you on that. Come to think of it, I'm not really qualified to advise you on anything.)
So give it a shot and see if it doesn't work. And guys, if your wife/girlfriend reads this and you reap the benefits, I DO have an amazon wishlist if you want to thank me.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Guilt, Sex, and Arguing 102
***WARNING TO READERS WHO MAY BE RELATED TO ME***
This blog contains some stuff about sex. Some of it is graphic, although the graphic stuff does not involve me, I keep the details of our sex life private. I get that some people are exhibitionists and/or like to talk about different things they do, but I don't. And if you are one of those other people, I feel certain there are no shortage of websites that will allow you to do so, as the internet seems to be 97% porn, 2% Netflix ads, and 1% other. Just putting the warning out there in case you are someone close to me who really does not care to hear me or read me writing about genitalia. Or who, despite my being married and having a kid, would like to maintain the idea that I am a 31 year old virgin and don't engage in that sort of thing.
***END WARNING***
So Ben's been listening to a lot of Dan Savage. If you don't know who Dan Savage is, he's a writer and has a podcast and is behind the "It Gets Better" project, and I think he's a pretty cool guy with some great ideas. He is also gay, in a long-term relationship, and his writings and podcasts get very graphic and he gives level-headed advice. Today I heard one about a mom who discovered her son's large collection of urine-related porn, and wondered if it was healthy.
He pretty much gave the answer that I would have given, which is that some people just like to be peed on, and unless a porn obsession is about kids or animals or something damaging or illegal, you really don't want to talk to your mom about it. Personally, I don't plan on going into Henry's room after he turns nine, and I'm teaching him to do his own laundry lest I run into "the sock". And if you don't know what I mean by that, I'm not explaining it, because sexually I'm fairly repressed.
Anyway, Ben was listening to his podcast, and some of it has to do with more mainstream, less pee-related stuff, like being in a marriage where you don't have lots of sex. Or you used to, and you don't anymore. Or your partner has just brought up something they're really into and you're thinking "Holy hell there is no way I'm dressing up as the Hamburglar for this guy, I don't care how long we've been married." But it did bring up an issue we have in our marriage, which is pretty infrequent sex.
If you're not married and/or don't have kids yet, let me introduce you to the main arguments you will run into. Even other arguments generally devolve into or evolve from one of these main issues. I'll try to present both sides of the argument, because there generally are two sides to them, unless you're one of those couples where one person can say "Hey, this happened or this drives me crazy" and the other can say "Ok, I see your point, I'll work on that" and that's it. In which case, congratulations and also I hate you a little.
So here they are.
1. We're not having enough sex/Stop poking me in the back with that thing when I walk in the door/am doing dishes/bend over for any reason/am sleeping.
2. You don't do enough around the house/You don't tell me what you want me to do so when I get home I play XBox and have two beers and also you're a nag.
3. You don't help with the baby enough/You think you're the only person who can take care of the baby correctly and you don't let me/trust me to take care of the baby.
4. I get no time to myself/You never ask for time for yourself so I don't know that you need it.
Anyway, we were running into all four this week. We went to couples therapy a few times and the counselor pointed out that guys are retarded (he didn't use that word but he might as well have) and that we women need to point out where and when we need help, because a guy won't automatically jump in and do the dishes or take care of the kid or whatever.
One, I think this is kind of bullshit. If you are sitting at your house and your kid is crying and you can't get to your faucet because the dishes are piled to overflowing and your wife is looking at you like she's deciding which part of the crawl space your body would fit into, then you KNOW that some action is required on your part.
But I do accept that Ben will not come home in the same frame of mind that I do and think "Ok, let me feed the baby and do the laundry and wash these dishes and then there's lunch for tomorrow and I have to iron something and study and...."
He more thinks "Hey, I'm home! I"m going to have a beer and look at the internet and see if Megan will have sex with me." Actually, I don't think he so much actively "thinks" that as that's what the lizard part of his brain makes him do.
Guys also don't seem to experience guilt in the same way as women do. I have desperately needed some time to myself lately, to remind myself that I have interests and needs and I'm not just a faceless toddler mom who is around to meet everyone's needs but my own, only to totally snap one weekend and go on a wedding bender that results in unexplained bruises and a three day long hangover (not that this happened recently or anything).
I tried to explain the guilt to Ben-that I'm away at work so much, it's really hard for me to leave Henry because I feel that the time I have that's free, I should spend with him, and that I"m a bad mom if I don't. Again, here are the opposing thought processes.
ME: "I am a terrible mom because I am letting him watch King of the Hill while I fold laundry and he eats Cheerios and goldfish off a tray on the floor. We should be interacting and laughing and running through a field of flowers and making memories and this TV is rotting his brain and he should be having a balanced meal and....."
BEN, upon walking in to the same scene: "Mmmm, Cheerios for dinner!"
It makes you start to believe the Mars/Venus thing a bit.
Anyway, if you take anything away from this rambling post, let it be this. Moms, it's ok to leave for a Saturday afternoon and go and get your nails done, or see a movie, or talk to a friend, or read a book. Trust me, when your husband has his non-family time, he thinks about you, he misses you some, he probably comes home earlier and drinks less than he would have when he was single, but he doesn't feel guilty. That time to be an adult and to not be reading "Green Eggs and Ham" for the fortieth time that day is important. You will be a better mom and wife for it.
Guys, a piece of advice. If you don't already do this, SUGGEST that your wife take some time for herself. Schedule her a massage, organize a surprise night out with her friends, buy tickets for her and a girlfriend to a movie that you really don't want to get dragged to, anyway. You will most likely be repaid in a genital-involving manner. Don't make her ask for everything she needs. Because even if she is asking, chances are she's only asking for a fraction of what she needs from you.
And who knows, you may start to feel like the sexy woman you are, and the next time you get poked in the back while drifting off to sleep, you may just go for it.
I'll warn you, though, that can set a dangerous precedent.
This blog contains some stuff about sex. Some of it is graphic, although the graphic stuff does not involve me, I keep the details of our sex life private. I get that some people are exhibitionists and/or like to talk about different things they do, but I don't. And if you are one of those other people, I feel certain there are no shortage of websites that will allow you to do so, as the internet seems to be 97% porn, 2% Netflix ads, and 1% other. Just putting the warning out there in case you are someone close to me who really does not care to hear me or read me writing about genitalia. Or who, despite my being married and having a kid, would like to maintain the idea that I am a 31 year old virgin and don't engage in that sort of thing.
***END WARNING***
So Ben's been listening to a lot of Dan Savage. If you don't know who Dan Savage is, he's a writer and has a podcast and is behind the "It Gets Better" project, and I think he's a pretty cool guy with some great ideas. He is also gay, in a long-term relationship, and his writings and podcasts get very graphic and he gives level-headed advice. Today I heard one about a mom who discovered her son's large collection of urine-related porn, and wondered if it was healthy.
He pretty much gave the answer that I would have given, which is that some people just like to be peed on, and unless a porn obsession is about kids or animals or something damaging or illegal, you really don't want to talk to your mom about it. Personally, I don't plan on going into Henry's room after he turns nine, and I'm teaching him to do his own laundry lest I run into "the sock". And if you don't know what I mean by that, I'm not explaining it, because sexually I'm fairly repressed.
Anyway, Ben was listening to his podcast, and some of it has to do with more mainstream, less pee-related stuff, like being in a marriage where you don't have lots of sex. Or you used to, and you don't anymore. Or your partner has just brought up something they're really into and you're thinking "Holy hell there is no way I'm dressing up as the Hamburglar for this guy, I don't care how long we've been married." But it did bring up an issue we have in our marriage, which is pretty infrequent sex.
If you're not married and/or don't have kids yet, let me introduce you to the main arguments you will run into. Even other arguments generally devolve into or evolve from one of these main issues. I'll try to present both sides of the argument, because there generally are two sides to them, unless you're one of those couples where one person can say "Hey, this happened or this drives me crazy" and the other can say "Ok, I see your point, I'll work on that" and that's it. In which case, congratulations and also I hate you a little.
So here they are.
1. We're not having enough sex/Stop poking me in the back with that thing when I walk in the door/am doing dishes/bend over for any reason/am sleeping.
2. You don't do enough around the house/You don't tell me what you want me to do so when I get home I play XBox and have two beers and also you're a nag.
3. You don't help with the baby enough/You think you're the only person who can take care of the baby correctly and you don't let me/trust me to take care of the baby.
4. I get no time to myself/You never ask for time for yourself so I don't know that you need it.
Anyway, we were running into all four this week. We went to couples therapy a few times and the counselor pointed out that guys are retarded (he didn't use that word but he might as well have) and that we women need to point out where and when we need help, because a guy won't automatically jump in and do the dishes or take care of the kid or whatever.
One, I think this is kind of bullshit. If you are sitting at your house and your kid is crying and you can't get to your faucet because the dishes are piled to overflowing and your wife is looking at you like she's deciding which part of the crawl space your body would fit into, then you KNOW that some action is required on your part.
But I do accept that Ben will not come home in the same frame of mind that I do and think "Ok, let me feed the baby and do the laundry and wash these dishes and then there's lunch for tomorrow and I have to iron something and study and...."
He more thinks "Hey, I'm home! I"m going to have a beer and look at the internet and see if Megan will have sex with me." Actually, I don't think he so much actively "thinks" that as that's what the lizard part of his brain makes him do.
Guys also don't seem to experience guilt in the same way as women do. I have desperately needed some time to myself lately, to remind myself that I have interests and needs and I'm not just a faceless toddler mom who is around to meet everyone's needs but my own, only to totally snap one weekend and go on a wedding bender that results in unexplained bruises and a three day long hangover (not that this happened recently or anything).
I tried to explain the guilt to Ben-that I'm away at work so much, it's really hard for me to leave Henry because I feel that the time I have that's free, I should spend with him, and that I"m a bad mom if I don't. Again, here are the opposing thought processes.
ME: "I am a terrible mom because I am letting him watch King of the Hill while I fold laundry and he eats Cheerios and goldfish off a tray on the floor. We should be interacting and laughing and running through a field of flowers and making memories and this TV is rotting his brain and he should be having a balanced meal and....."
BEN, upon walking in to the same scene: "Mmmm, Cheerios for dinner!"
It makes you start to believe the Mars/Venus thing a bit.
Anyway, if you take anything away from this rambling post, let it be this. Moms, it's ok to leave for a Saturday afternoon and go and get your nails done, or see a movie, or talk to a friend, or read a book. Trust me, when your husband has his non-family time, he thinks about you, he misses you some, he probably comes home earlier and drinks less than he would have when he was single, but he doesn't feel guilty. That time to be an adult and to not be reading "Green Eggs and Ham" for the fortieth time that day is important. You will be a better mom and wife for it.
Guys, a piece of advice. If you don't already do this, SUGGEST that your wife take some time for herself. Schedule her a massage, organize a surprise night out with her friends, buy tickets for her and a girlfriend to a movie that you really don't want to get dragged to, anyway. You will most likely be repaid in a genital-involving manner. Don't make her ask for everything she needs. Because even if she is asking, chances are she's only asking for a fraction of what she needs from you.
And who knows, you may start to feel like the sexy woman you are, and the next time you get poked in the back while drifting off to sleep, you may just go for it.
I'll warn you, though, that can set a dangerous precedent.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Just breathe....
So I'm getting up in the morning to run now, mainly because if I don't get it over with early, I find excuses not to go. Plus two days a week I have night classes, so there really isn't any time. My afternoons are pretty full with getting Henry home, fed, bathed, and put to bed, especially now that he brings us upwards of six books to read every night. I guess he should just get one, but if you can resist a kid bringing you a book and then getting himself situated in your lap, then looking up at you expectantly, then you're a tougher person than I am. Or than Ben is (I still maintain that he's a bigger sucker than I am when it comes to that).
But there are some things to remember when running in the morning. You'll be tired and out of it, because you just woke up. So it's important to have short-term goals that you can concentrate on, like finishing a mile, or getting to the top of the next hill. (My personal goal is to avoid lying down on the sidewalk and going back to sleep. Whatever works.). However, you need to remain aware of your surroundings, for safety reasons and to avoid falls. Also, if you are deep in thought, and all of a sudden the sprinkler system you're running past sputters on in a very loud and startling way, you may screech like a girl and come dangerously close to peeing your pants.
Not that this happened to me today. Or ever. Although if it did, hypothetically, I think my speed for the next twenty feet or so would rival that of Carl Lewis. A good scare can give you that adrenaline rush you need.
Anyway, so when I got home, I decided to attempt a yoga DVD. I have a bad back, so I ordered one specifically for back care, and it has been really helpful. I figured I could get as much of the DVD done as I could before Henry woke up, then get him set up for breakfast and finish the rest. He woke up pretty quickly after I started, but seemed to enjoy the entertainment with his meal. He did finish breakfast before I finished the DVD, so I set him down on the floor to play while I wrapped up my workout.
This made me decide I needed to narrate a yoga workout for those of us with impatient kids. "Ok, on your next inhale, you're going to lower into plank....on the exhale, a 26 pound kid is going to throw himself across your back....ok, use his weight in the pose...on the next inhale, he will dig the corner of "The Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar" into your spine....use this to focus your energy..breathe....."
It's not the most relaxing thing, but we get to have some fun before he goes to school and I go to work, and hey, my back does feel better. I'd try one of the kid yoga workouts if I thought he had the attention span for it, but I don't know that Henry's the yoga type. He currently gets most of his exercise by climbing on things he shouldn't, beating one object on another object, or chasing the dogs. They do say find a workout you enjoy, or you won't stick with it. Thank goodness Jack Russells are fast.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Going to buy a mental institution-not for the reason you'd think.
No, not to admit myself. Although some days I'm close. No, I want to buy a mental institution and start a day care there. You see, it will be a specialty day care, with padded walls, for kids like mine who seem to feel the incessant need to wreck themselves.
I am home because day care called to tell me that Henry had hit his head. This in and of itself was not concerning-he hits his head all the time. But for them to call me, and to not just let me know when I picked him up, let me know it was kind of serious. She said he wasn't bleeding, but did have a big bruise and a goose egg. I know I seem like an overly-worrying mom here (mainly because that's what I am) but I just don't take chances with my kid, so I ran out of work to go get him and make sure he was ok. Like I said, this is not an alarmist day care, so if they were concerned enough to call me, I was concerned.
So I ran the whole way to my car, sped all the way to day care, and found him bruised up but pretty happy. We're home now, oatmeal cookies in the oven, kid taking a nap while I check on him incessantly and wait for a call from the pediatrician, just making sure that we don't need to take him in. While I wait, I should probably make at least one apology.
Lady in the Tercel ahead of me on I95-I am sorry for that long string of very profane words I let loose while pointing at you, lest you think they were directed at someone else. I'm sure you are a kind person with a good reputation, as is your mother, and I'm sorry for questioning your morals or choice of nighttime, pimp-related employment.
To be fair, you were going 15 under the speed limit on the INTERSTATE. Just take surface roads, in Richmond that's usually faster anyway.
To the guy in the van who I shrieked "Pick a fucking lane, asshole!" at, I stand by that. You only get one. Asshole. Same goes for the lady who was on her cell phone and almost made me miss a green light.
Ok, so there aren't so many apologies, but know that I was in an increased state of agitation, and I normally don't yell at other drivers. I've been trying to break Ben of the habit. Even he's not as bad as his sister, though. If Andrew Dice Clay had to ride in a car with her in Northern Virginia, he'd be telling her to tone it down.
So the kid is fine. In other news, I found a good friend on Facebook who I hadn't seen in, god, going on fifteen years or so, I guess, and got to chat with him a bit. I have mixed feelings about Facebook. I mean, I love that it keeps me in touch with my family, and allows me to obnoxiously hose people who have innocently friended me with pictures of my kid. But sometimes I get those friend requests from people who made no attempt to hide the fact that they despised me when we actually new each other. Maybe people grow, but Facebook has been a mix of excitement over seeing people I love who I've lost touch with, and that old feeling of dread that the unpopular kids feel when they walk into high school.
It doesn't help that whenever I run into someone from my past on there, I start having dreams about ALL the people I knew during that time. They're never nice, fun dreams, like ones of us camping and drinking and having a blast. The dreams are always full of people I don't care to see, like I'm sitting by the road wearing no pants and all my ex-boyfriends are driving by and laughing.
So it's a love-hate relationship. But this particular friend pointed out something to me. Lately I'd been too focused on the bad times, and the people I shouldn't have bothered with, and I'd really forgotten about all the good people and good times. And there were a lot of them. It's so great when you can connect with someone you haven't seen in years and it's like no time has passed at all. But he made me realize that I can be a really pessimistic glass half-empty person when it comes to stuff like that. Instead of rolling my eyes over the asshole I dated, I should think about the group of friends I made because I dated him. There really were some great people there, and the summer before college was one of the most fun times in my life because of them.
It's almost made me want to track a few down, but I think once you're a loser at some point in your life, it's hard to shake that tiny "What if they don't want to hear from me?" voice that's still trying to convince you that you're fat, that nobody likes you, and they're laughing at you because you have a tampon hanging out of your bookbag and they know your jeans came from Wal-Mart.
Some stuff you grow up with is just hard to shake. So I'll work on remembering the good times, and all the misfits who I fit in just fine with. And be glad for the ones I still have in my life (and yes, we're all still misfits and nerds, but when you get older, that sort of gets cooler.)
At least that's what I tell myself.
I am home because day care called to tell me that Henry had hit his head. This in and of itself was not concerning-he hits his head all the time. But for them to call me, and to not just let me know when I picked him up, let me know it was kind of serious. She said he wasn't bleeding, but did have a big bruise and a goose egg. I know I seem like an overly-worrying mom here (mainly because that's what I am) but I just don't take chances with my kid, so I ran out of work to go get him and make sure he was ok. Like I said, this is not an alarmist day care, so if they were concerned enough to call me, I was concerned.
So I ran the whole way to my car, sped all the way to day care, and found him bruised up but pretty happy. We're home now, oatmeal cookies in the oven, kid taking a nap while I check on him incessantly and wait for a call from the pediatrician, just making sure that we don't need to take him in. While I wait, I should probably make at least one apology.
Lady in the Tercel ahead of me on I95-I am sorry for that long string of very profane words I let loose while pointing at you, lest you think they were directed at someone else. I'm sure you are a kind person with a good reputation, as is your mother, and I'm sorry for questioning your morals or choice of nighttime, pimp-related employment.
To be fair, you were going 15 under the speed limit on the INTERSTATE. Just take surface roads, in Richmond that's usually faster anyway.
To the guy in the van who I shrieked "Pick a fucking lane, asshole!" at, I stand by that. You only get one. Asshole. Same goes for the lady who was on her cell phone and almost made me miss a green light.
Ok, so there aren't so many apologies, but know that I was in an increased state of agitation, and I normally don't yell at other drivers. I've been trying to break Ben of the habit. Even he's not as bad as his sister, though. If Andrew Dice Clay had to ride in a car with her in Northern Virginia, he'd be telling her to tone it down.
So the kid is fine. In other news, I found a good friend on Facebook who I hadn't seen in, god, going on fifteen years or so, I guess, and got to chat with him a bit. I have mixed feelings about Facebook. I mean, I love that it keeps me in touch with my family, and allows me to obnoxiously hose people who have innocently friended me with pictures of my kid. But sometimes I get those friend requests from people who made no attempt to hide the fact that they despised me when we actually new each other. Maybe people grow, but Facebook has been a mix of excitement over seeing people I love who I've lost touch with, and that old feeling of dread that the unpopular kids feel when they walk into high school.
It doesn't help that whenever I run into someone from my past on there, I start having dreams about ALL the people I knew during that time. They're never nice, fun dreams, like ones of us camping and drinking and having a blast. The dreams are always full of people I don't care to see, like I'm sitting by the road wearing no pants and all my ex-boyfriends are driving by and laughing.
So it's a love-hate relationship. But this particular friend pointed out something to me. Lately I'd been too focused on the bad times, and the people I shouldn't have bothered with, and I'd really forgotten about all the good people and good times. And there were a lot of them. It's so great when you can connect with someone you haven't seen in years and it's like no time has passed at all. But he made me realize that I can be a really pessimistic glass half-empty person when it comes to stuff like that. Instead of rolling my eyes over the asshole I dated, I should think about the group of friends I made because I dated him. There really were some great people there, and the summer before college was one of the most fun times in my life because of them.
It's almost made me want to track a few down, but I think once you're a loser at some point in your life, it's hard to shake that tiny "What if they don't want to hear from me?" voice that's still trying to convince you that you're fat, that nobody likes you, and they're laughing at you because you have a tampon hanging out of your bookbag and they know your jeans came from Wal-Mart.
Some stuff you grow up with is just hard to shake. So I'll work on remembering the good times, and all the misfits who I fit in just fine with. And be glad for the ones I still have in my life (and yes, we're all still misfits and nerds, but when you get older, that sort of gets cooler.)
At least that's what I tell myself.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Look Out-Average Mom Goes Political
I rarely discuss politics on the internet. One reason is that I'm not so sure what I think about a lot of things. A master's in public administration gives you the fun ability to see all sides of a policy issue, and quite frankly, someone gets screwed over no matter what happens.
The other reason is the vitriol and hate that is spewed over so many issues, by people who could be neighbors, or friends. Why do so many people only see their own view as right, and not even examine others for possibility? Why do you have to shut someone down because they don't agree with you? I'm not a big fan of the Tea Party and I think Sarah Palin is a moneygrubbing loon, but I try not to write people off who support either. I mean, I can see being frustrated with the current political scene.
I guess the protests on Wall Street, and the reactions of both the media and the public have brought this on. I've read so many people ranting against "liberals who want what isn't theirs" and adversely, "corporate whores who won't stop taking and have the government in their pocket." The truth, I'm sure, lies somewhere in the middle. I, like everyone else, have seen people take public assistance and, in my eyes, abuse it. I have also seen, as has everyone, people who were born with everything, who never had to work, and who think they're entitled to a certain lifestyle or income because of who they are.
But most of us don't fall into either category. Most of us are working, or trying to, supporting a family, taking out loans to go to school, trying to buy a house....not trying to make a million dollars, but wanting to make enough to get by. To not have to worry between paychecks. But the fact is, the top 1% of this country are getting richer, while the rest of us are not. In the past 30 years or so, adjusted for inflation, average CEO salaries have increased by five times. The rest of our salaries, adjusted, are basically the same. Since I doubt they're working harder and we're all slacking off, the only reasonable assumption to take away is that they are keeping more of the profit for themselves.
And to those who say "well, they've earned it", ok, I get your point. But they've earned it on the backs of American workers, workers they lay off and then give away jobs overseas because it's cheaper, and there's more profit to be had. Of course, the other side of that is the public is not willing to pay more for less, and outsourcing cuts costs. and therefore price (that's the argument, anyway).
Also, the most horrific Supreme Court ruling I've ever read basically decided that money equals speech, and corporations are people, so they can give as much to political candidates and parties and PACs as is legally allowable to an individual. That is complete bullshit. Money does not equal speech, and here's why. Because we don't have equal access to it. And money makes people listen more than just speech. The way our system is set up, you pretty much can't get elected if you aren't in corporate pockets. If you want to learn more, and also really get depressed about our system and how hard it will be to change it, check out Is That a Politician in Your Pocket? Washington on $2 million a day" by Sifry and Watson.
So if I don't like getting political online, why am I doing it here? Well, one, because I have a readership of about 15 people, 10 of whom are required to still like me by sharing familial blood. Two, this is an outlet rather than trying to have a conversation with someone who disagrees with me about it, which is about as effective as me standing in my closet and debating myself. And I think how I feel is felt by more than one person out there. So here's a list of what I think I believe.
I think corporations and corporate leaders need to pay their fair share in taxes.
I think there should be term limits on Congresspeople.
I think education is the great equalizer. All of those "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" people may not agree with me here, but if you have the privilege of a good education, you are more likely to succeed. If you are born poor and are in a bad school system, with no available funds for college, you are likely to keep the cycle of poverty going. There are a few heartwariming stories about people "making it" but that's the exception, not the rule. Fix the education system, save the world.
I think abortion should be legal. I also think there should be easy access to sex education and birth control, and that people should have the wherewithall to use it, so that a doctor performing an abortion should be just as rare as a doctor having to saw a padlock off of some guy's penis and nutsack because he and his girlfriend used it as a sex toy without finding the key (you can laugh, but this happened to one of Ben's roommates in college).
I can also promise you that being put on birth control at fourteen did not make me want to run around and start having lots of anonymous sex with strangers. It led to me being on birth control because my mom would rather be safe than sorry (she told me it was for cramps) and I didn't have sex til I was 17 anyway. It's not like putting a girl on birth control immediately activates a neon arrow and sign that points at her vagina and says "OPEN FOR BUSINESS, FELLAS."
I'm not sure where I stand on immigration but I know two things.
1. I don't believe I've ever lost a job or been negatively impacted by an illegal immigrant and
2. The employment problem is more the fault of employers who are willing to hire someone, pay them next to nothing and treat them like dirt, knowing that if they have any legal recourse, they're probably too scared to use it.
And this whole country would probably be doing a lot better if we all stopped attacking each other as "Teabaggers" or "stupid hippie liberals" and actually fixed our problems. There's nothing the 1% want more than for us to be distracted by each other and to not be able to unify to demand real change, change that would benefit EVERYONE in this nation.
That's all for now.
The other reason is the vitriol and hate that is spewed over so many issues, by people who could be neighbors, or friends. Why do so many people only see their own view as right, and not even examine others for possibility? Why do you have to shut someone down because they don't agree with you? I'm not a big fan of the Tea Party and I think Sarah Palin is a moneygrubbing loon, but I try not to write people off who support either. I mean, I can see being frustrated with the current political scene.
I guess the protests on Wall Street, and the reactions of both the media and the public have brought this on. I've read so many people ranting against "liberals who want what isn't theirs" and adversely, "corporate whores who won't stop taking and have the government in their pocket." The truth, I'm sure, lies somewhere in the middle. I, like everyone else, have seen people take public assistance and, in my eyes, abuse it. I have also seen, as has everyone, people who were born with everything, who never had to work, and who think they're entitled to a certain lifestyle or income because of who they are.
But most of us don't fall into either category. Most of us are working, or trying to, supporting a family, taking out loans to go to school, trying to buy a house....not trying to make a million dollars, but wanting to make enough to get by. To not have to worry between paychecks. But the fact is, the top 1% of this country are getting richer, while the rest of us are not. In the past 30 years or so, adjusted for inflation, average CEO salaries have increased by five times. The rest of our salaries, adjusted, are basically the same. Since I doubt they're working harder and we're all slacking off, the only reasonable assumption to take away is that they are keeping more of the profit for themselves.
And to those who say "well, they've earned it", ok, I get your point. But they've earned it on the backs of American workers, workers they lay off and then give away jobs overseas because it's cheaper, and there's more profit to be had. Of course, the other side of that is the public is not willing to pay more for less, and outsourcing cuts costs. and therefore price (that's the argument, anyway).
Also, the most horrific Supreme Court ruling I've ever read basically decided that money equals speech, and corporations are people, so they can give as much to political candidates and parties and PACs as is legally allowable to an individual. That is complete bullshit. Money does not equal speech, and here's why. Because we don't have equal access to it. And money makes people listen more than just speech. The way our system is set up, you pretty much can't get elected if you aren't in corporate pockets. If you want to learn more, and also really get depressed about our system and how hard it will be to change it, check out Is That a Politician in Your Pocket? Washington on $2 million a day" by Sifry and Watson.
So if I don't like getting political online, why am I doing it here? Well, one, because I have a readership of about 15 people, 10 of whom are required to still like me by sharing familial blood. Two, this is an outlet rather than trying to have a conversation with someone who disagrees with me about it, which is about as effective as me standing in my closet and debating myself. And I think how I feel is felt by more than one person out there. So here's a list of what I think I believe.
I think corporations and corporate leaders need to pay their fair share in taxes.
I think there should be term limits on Congresspeople.
I think education is the great equalizer. All of those "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" people may not agree with me here, but if you have the privilege of a good education, you are more likely to succeed. If you are born poor and are in a bad school system, with no available funds for college, you are likely to keep the cycle of poverty going. There are a few heartwariming stories about people "making it" but that's the exception, not the rule. Fix the education system, save the world.
I think abortion should be legal. I also think there should be easy access to sex education and birth control, and that people should have the wherewithall to use it, so that a doctor performing an abortion should be just as rare as a doctor having to saw a padlock off of some guy's penis and nutsack because he and his girlfriend used it as a sex toy without finding the key (you can laugh, but this happened to one of Ben's roommates in college).
I can also promise you that being put on birth control at fourteen did not make me want to run around and start having lots of anonymous sex with strangers. It led to me being on birth control because my mom would rather be safe than sorry (she told me it was for cramps) and I didn't have sex til I was 17 anyway. It's not like putting a girl on birth control immediately activates a neon arrow and sign that points at her vagina and says "OPEN FOR BUSINESS, FELLAS."
I'm not sure where I stand on immigration but I know two things.
1. I don't believe I've ever lost a job or been negatively impacted by an illegal immigrant and
2. The employment problem is more the fault of employers who are willing to hire someone, pay them next to nothing and treat them like dirt, knowing that if they have any legal recourse, they're probably too scared to use it.
And this whole country would probably be doing a lot better if we all stopped attacking each other as "Teabaggers" or "stupid hippie liberals" and actually fixed our problems. There's nothing the 1% want more than for us to be distracted by each other and to not be able to unify to demand real change, change that would benefit EVERYONE in this nation.
That's all for now.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Biting and walking and job hunting. Oh my!
Sad when it's been so long since you posted in your blog that you don't remember your password to access it. I'm guessing my ten readers have already figured out that consistency is not my strong point. This has also been a rough summer by anyone's definition. Ben's left the teaching profession to give the handyman business a go, but things are still uncertain, and my job future is not looking quite as bright as I'd like it to. After five years of graduate school, someone damn well better hire me. I mean, I have the education, I have the experience, I have a good marginal I have a personality. That is unique. Sort of churlish in an adorable way. Ok, so it's more bitchy.
I went to a job fair recently and felt old as hell. All of these companies were recruiting new undergrad graduates for internships. Just the idea of heading to a "Training Team Experience" at Enterprise Rent-a-Car makes me want to find a rented car and throw myself in front of it. I just want to work. I don't want to go to social gatherings. I don't want to do teambuilding activities at a Sheraton. I don't want to be on your kickball team. It was bad enough to be picked last in elementary school, why am I reliving this now? Is Corey Brueggerman also going to point out the maxi pad I dropped in the hall to all of his friends so I have to pretend I don't know how it got there while they all giggle?
GAH.
Ben just came in and suggested we make sex tapes and sell them online. My newly gained business acumen makes me wonder what the market for those would be. I don't even want to see me naked, much less see me naked and moving so that the saddlebags reach full jiggle potential. Thankfully he was kidding. I hope.
The silver lining in all of this, of course, is our boy. Walking, talking, getting into everything, expressing his opinion (generally that he does not approve of whatever he is doing/being offered/getting dressed in). Still having some biting issues at school, but the ladies are still crazy about him and make excuses for him. My mom keeps saying he's spoiled, and I keep explaining that IT'S NOT ME DOING THE SPOILING. She doesn't believe me, though. I think she gets some kind of sadistic pleasure out of watching my kid challenge me. I don't know why, we all know I was a perfect angel. Always.
I went to a job fair recently and felt old as hell. All of these companies were recruiting new undergrad graduates for internships. Just the idea of heading to a "Training Team Experience" at Enterprise Rent-a-Car makes me want to find a rented car and throw myself in front of it. I just want to work. I don't want to go to social gatherings. I don't want to do teambuilding activities at a Sheraton. I don't want to be on your kickball team. It was bad enough to be picked last in elementary school, why am I reliving this now? Is Corey Brueggerman also going to point out the maxi pad I dropped in the hall to all of his friends so I have to pretend I don't know how it got there while they all giggle?
GAH.
Ben just came in and suggested we make sex tapes and sell them online. My newly gained business acumen makes me wonder what the market for those would be. I don't even want to see me naked, much less see me naked and moving so that the saddlebags reach full jiggle potential. Thankfully he was kidding. I hope.
The silver lining in all of this, of course, is our boy. Walking, talking, getting into everything, expressing his opinion (generally that he does not approve of whatever he is doing/being offered/getting dressed in). Still having some biting issues at school, but the ladies are still crazy about him and make excuses for him. My mom keeps saying he's spoiled, and I keep explaining that IT'S NOT ME DOING THE SPOILING. She doesn't believe me, though. I think she gets some kind of sadistic pleasure out of watching my kid challenge me. I don't know why, we all know I was a perfect angel. Always.
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