Sleep Talking

Was just reading one of my favorite blogs, about Sleep Talking Man, and it reminded me that people have asked me to post some of Ben's sleep talking.  This started about six years ago, after we'd moved in together.  The thing is, Ben sleep talks, but it can be hard to tell if he's awake or asleep until something really odd comes out.

****WARNING.  THIS POST HAS WORDS AND SUCH THAT ARE....WELL, THERE ARE FREQUENT MENTIONS OF BALLS.  SO IF YOU'RE OFFENDED BY SUCH OR ONE OF MY SIBLINGS OR GOD FORBID MY MOTHER, YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ THIS.****

Ok.  So one of the main ways I can tell if Ben is sleep talking is that he brings up his balls, but it didn't start out that way.  One of the first times I can remember was when we were engaged, and getting tons of gifts packed in lots of styrofoam.  One night I wake up to Ben  mumbling, and this conversation follows.

Me:  What?
Ben:  I said I'm going to go BUCK WILD and SET THINGS OFF.
Me: What?
Him:  You heard me!  Now eat this styrofoam!
Me  What the hell is wrong with you?
He makes a Homer Simpson-esque fist and says:  Eat it.


Other notables.

One night I woke up and he was snoring.  I asked him to roll over because he was snoring.
He replied. "How about I just shit on your FACE?" and then proceeded to go THHHHBBBBBPPPPPPTTT for a good minute.

I said "Man, what a lucky girl I am."
He sat up, pointed at me, and said "Believe it, lady."


The last one, one of the latest ones, came about when he fell asleep on our chair in the living room, in what looked like a very uncomfortable position.  The following happened.

Me:  Why don't you go to bed?
Him:  *Muttering*
Me:  Honey, you're falling asleep.  Go to bed.
Him:  Why don't you lick my balls?
Me: Ummm....no thanks.  Go to bed, you're asleep.
Him:  You know SOMETHING about EVERYTHING, but you don't know NOTHING about BALL WASHING.

He then appeared to go back to sleep, but five minutes later sat straight up, pointed at me and said.  "This is bullshit.  ALL OF IT."  Then collapsed back into sleep.

It's an adventure, what can I say?  I'll post more as they happen/I remember them.