Thursday, December 30, 2010

Post-holiday musings

So we got through the holidays-we were smart and decided to stay home, and get people to come to us.  While this was definitely less stressful than driving, it was hard.  I'm used to being with my family for the holidays, and I was the only one who wasn't there this year.  Part of me really resists change, which is stupid, because it's happening whether I like it or not.  My siblings and I are all older, either married or almost married, two of us have kids of our own.  In a lot of ways we're much closer.  I like to think that my older sister doesn't find me quite as annoying as she did in high school when I was constantly around, and she and my two brothers are three of my closest friends.  But there is a new dynamic now that we're not under the same roof, and we have our own families to think about.  I am currently listening to the newest member of mine kick his crib railing and complain about being put to bed.

I think he's cutting a tooth because he has just been a mess today.  Doesn't want to be held, doesn't want to be put down, doesn't want to go to bed, but is clearly tired.  He's probably thrown off his schedule because Ben and I are both off this week, and also because the house has been overtaken by new clothes and toys for him.  You now cannot move anything or sit anywhere in my house without a toy honking, squeaking, singing the ABCs, or instructing you to count to three and press the red button.  My cousin Jen noted that Fisher Price has taken over her home-I can relate.  It doesn't help that we have no space-our  little cottage is charming, but we are taking shelving to new levels trying to find places to put things so we can walk.  It's a constant struggle to keep the place looking somewhat organized.  I keep my motivation up by watching Hoarders, which not only makes me want to clean, it makes me want to rent a dumpster and entirely empty my house into it.  The only thing grosser than that is Animal Hoarders.  When I see a TV show about a lady with sixty five cats, I can smell her house through the damn TV.

But Henry had a good holiday, and that's the important thing.  So did we, even with missing people, those who are here and those who are gone.  I'd been thinking a lot about my grandmother in the past few weeks.  She died last winter, and I hadn't ever really spent a lot of time with her-my family moved around a lot, and we ended up in Virginia, with most of the family in Delaware.  I really envy the closeness my Delaware family has, and wish I'd made more of an effort to spend time with my grandmother.  I'm really sorry she didn't get to meet Henry-she died when I was about five months pregnant.  I know she would have adored him.

So when my family came up for Christmas, one of the gifts my parents had for me was in a small box, and when I opened it, I saw a beautiful necklace, and a note from my uncle.  The note said he'd been going through her things and thought I'd like to have the necklace.  Apparently all my cousins got something of hers, which was really nice.  Although this may sound stupid, I felt like getting that was a sign from her, letting me know that everything was ok.  I like to think that she sees her great-grandson, and her great-granddaughter and namesake, and looks out for them.  And will make sure they don't try to do whippets out of whipped cream cans or anything (my cousins will get that).

Take care, Flo.  We miss you.

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