Friday, October 22, 2010

Uh....two centimeters. And how's YOUR vagina?

Some good friends had a baby girl last night, and they got me thinking about pregnancy, and all the weird shit that happens during it.  Not just the weird stuff that happens to you, like seriously abnormal dreams and gas that could kill a bull moose.  But what seeing a pregnant woman tends to do to other people.  Perfect strangers will ask you really personal questions (see title of blog) and even touch you.  I managed to avoid the stranger-rubbing-my-belly thing, I think by looking really pissed throughout most of my pregnancy.  But random people would ask me if I was planning a natural birth, if I was planning (or am currently) breast feeding, and speculate about the state of my personal area post-baby.  I don't really get why that is.  It's like seeing a big belly tells people "Hey, let me just ignore common sense and decency and ask this person I don't know about the state of her cervix or usage of her boobs."

Oh well.  There are things I miss about being pregnant.  People are really nice to you.  I've maintained that you can be doing pretty much anything and people think you're cute.  You could be clubbing a baby seal, and not only would no one stop you, but several people will stop and offer to help.

Then they'll assure you that your life is over, tell your husband that he'd "better get his now, while he still can!" and grab their love handles and say "These don't go away after the baby!"  It's enough to make you want to go into hibernation until the damn kid comes out.  Everyone says all the stuff you go through is worth it when you see your baby, and that's true.  And if you're vengeful like me, you'll save some of that gas up to cropdust people who are too intrusive.  (Hopefully no one I used to work with will read this, because then they might realize that the smell that drove them away from their desk after I walked by was not only intentional, but premeditated).

Henry's lucky to have such a genteel lady for a mom!

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