Yeah, I know

I should be studying.  But I really, really don't want to. I finished my master's degree in public administration just in time for every government agency to go on a hiring freeze, so I decided to work towards a graduate certificate in business admin to round things out.  My basic plan is either to go to school til someone hires me and pays me a lot of money, or to fake my own death to get out of my mountain of student loans.  We'll see which one comes to pass.

Took the kiddo running again today...getting back into shape sucks.  I know I'll feel great when I can run five miles easily again, it's just the getting there.  And I can't even blame it on him-I was out of shape when I got pregnant.  If you're looking to get knocked up, do yourself a favor and start exercising NOW.  It will make the whole pregnancy and labor thing way easier on you, and you'll bounce back faster.

When Ben and I met I was in great shape-mainly because it was six months after I'd ended an engagement to a guy who, while being totally wrong for me and quite possibly into dudes, was someone I really adored, and the split was painful.  I dealt with it like I dealt with most hard times back then-lots of exercise with the occasional binge drinking thrown in for good measure.  It was nothing for me to be in a crappy mood, and for me to throw on my running shoes and head out for an hour.

Then I met Ben, and he can really cook and got me into drinking good quality beer in smaller volumes, and you know how you fall into the habit of just sitting around staring at someone and drinking wine or eating.....yeah, let's just say that after our wedding it caught up with me in a major way.  (I appreciate the truth in the whole "get married and let yourself go" thing now).  When we decided to try for a baby I figured I'd have a year or so to get back into shape, but Henry decided otherwise.

But I really hate being the kind of person who bitches about gaining weight and does absolutely nothing about it, so out I go.  We're slow, and it's painful.  Plus there's a group of women I always manage to see, no matter what time I go, that are all perfect and their clothes match and their hair looks great and even worse, they're actual runners-they keep a pretty good pace.

I, on the other hand, generally look like I just rolled out of bed and headed out in whatever I slept in (probably because that's what I do), may have two different socks on, my hair makes it appear that I've recently been electrocuted....yeah, not so cute.  It's hard not to hold it against people who always look put together when you never quite do.  Even when I try hard to appear well dressed and made up, something usually goes wrong-I get splashed by a truck going through a puddle, or the kid barfs on me-it just never works out.

But I think dealing with body and appearance issues your whole life kind of forces you to develop a sense of humor.  That, or go postal on your eyebrow waxer when she helpfully asks you, "Do you want me to do your chin while I'm here?"

Sigh.